The (dis)Function of a Family
Okay, we've all heard it or said it, "My family is so dysfunctional!" In fact, I have a refrigerator magnet that says, "Let's put the FUN back in dysfunctional." I think both those statements can and should be applied to most every family. After all, it is just those little quirks that make my family different from yours ... in the most endearing way, of course.
What prompts this as my blog topic is the recent death of my father-in-law, Robert Dwyer. Bob was 82 and had been in failing health for most of the last year and a half. So, while his passing was not unexpected, it was no less difficult on his wife of 57 years (Mari Lee) and on their eight children.
Six of the eight Dwyer kids were able to gather for the funeral. Now, the Dwyer Clan is fairly far-flung. Mom and Dad lived in Maine - one daughter in Colorado, two sons and a daughter in Washington, one daughter in North Carolina, and two sons and a daughter in Illinois. And let's not forget one granddaughter in Kentucky! So when everyone was together, the variety of US accents was delightful - and there was much good-natured teasing (especially of Kentucky) to prove it.
Two things impressed me as the Dwyer children shared memories - both good and bad - of their growing up years. The first was how diverse children from the same family can be! Bob worked for General Electric and transferred around a lot. New York to Texas to Washington to Illinois to retirement in Maine. The first five kids were born in New York, the last three in Texas. My husband (Mike - #2) was "dropped off" in Washington as a college student. The youngest 4 moved to Illinois. Their experience of their father was totally different from Mike's. It was good for those siblings to sit down and share their stories - amidst much laughing and a little crying.
The other thing that made an impression on me was seeing my husband reflected off his own family. We haven't been able to spend much time with the Dwyer extended family over the years, so I tend to think of Mike in relationship to my own family - as my husband - as father to my kids - as son-in-law to my parents, as brother-in-law to my sister, etc. It was really good for me to see how he fits into his own family: to see how his mother felt safe again around her oldest son, how the younger siblings looked up to their oldest brother. Mari Lee positively glowed when she told one of her daughters that "Michael took me out to lunch!"
It was good for me to be part of that - to be the sister-in-law to Mike's siblings, the daughter-in-law to his mother. It was a reminder that, seeing where we come from individually, the places we choose to go together just simply have to provide for a little disfunction.
And that is a good thing.
What prompts this as my blog topic is the recent death of my father-in-law, Robert Dwyer. Bob was 82 and had been in failing health for most of the last year and a half. So, while his passing was not unexpected, it was no less difficult on his wife of 57 years (Mari Lee) and on their eight children.
Six of the eight Dwyer kids were able to gather for the funeral. Now, the Dwyer Clan is fairly far-flung. Mom and Dad lived in Maine - one daughter in Colorado, two sons and a daughter in Washington, one daughter in North Carolina, and two sons and a daughter in Illinois. And let's not forget one granddaughter in Kentucky! So when everyone was together, the variety of US accents was delightful - and there was much good-natured teasing (especially of Kentucky) to prove it.
Two things impressed me as the Dwyer children shared memories - both good and bad - of their growing up years. The first was how diverse children from the same family can be! Bob worked for General Electric and transferred around a lot. New York to Texas to Washington to Illinois to retirement in Maine. The first five kids were born in New York, the last three in Texas. My husband (Mike - #2) was "dropped off" in Washington as a college student. The youngest 4 moved to Illinois. Their experience of their father was totally different from Mike's. It was good for those siblings to sit down and share their stories - amidst much laughing and a little crying.
The other thing that made an impression on me was seeing my husband reflected off his own family. We haven't been able to spend much time with the Dwyer extended family over the years, so I tend to think of Mike in relationship to my own family - as my husband - as father to my kids - as son-in-law to my parents, as brother-in-law to my sister, etc. It was really good for me to see how he fits into his own family: to see how his mother felt safe again around her oldest son, how the younger siblings looked up to their oldest brother. Mari Lee positively glowed when she told one of her daughters that "Michael took me out to lunch!"
It was good for me to be part of that - to be the sister-in-law to Mike's siblings, the daughter-in-law to his mother. It was a reminder that, seeing where we come from individually, the places we choose to go together just simply have to provide for a little disfunction.
And that is a good thing.
